How my women's network helps me

Sometimes, I wonder how I would have survived without the women in my life. Actually, I would be speaking very factually if I said that they have played a big role in saving my life and my sanity a few times. But more than that, they made my life more beautiful and richer on a daily basis, in quiet, ordinary ways that add up over years. The kind that don't get talked about enough.

There’s a culture among women that I had the good fortune to grow into without even realizing it. And I can’t imagine my life without it.

When something stressful happens, the first instinct isn’t to shut down or isolate. It’s to reach out. I have to just express my concern about something, and the others will immediately pitch in to offer help in any way they can. Psychologist Shelley Taylor called this the tend-and-befriend response. We cannot fix everything. But we stay connected. And it works.

I cherish the support that slips in through a voice note after a long day, the hand that grabs mine to support me before we walk up a ramp, the countless times I am driven around, the loan that lands in my account before I ask for help during a crisis, and the warm hug when words fail.

There’s also an invisible thread of effort holding so much of this together. There is emotional labor involved in supporting each other. It’s not always glamorous. It can seem thankless. But it’s what makes women’s relationships feel so rooted. I’ve been lucky to both receive and offer this kind of presence.

And the beautiful part is that none of it is transactional. It’s quiet love, the friendship that grows stronger, like the shadow that lengthens with the setting sun of life. A very sturdy, everyday kind of love.

We have these different circles. The childhood friend. The school friends. The college friends. Work friends. The online friend I made over comments on her chronic illness blog more than a decade ago. Some friends of the road that I met in my long nomadic journey across 5 countries and 10 cities transformed into friends of the heart. The extended circles of my friends' friends. The cousins. The neighbors. The spouse's colleague who became a friend. Protégés.

Women's spaces are where stories are shared. Where we sit with each other’s heartbreak and wins. Where one woman says, “I don’t know if I can do this,” and others remind her she already is. It’s mutual. No one is “the strong one” all the time. We take turns being the steady voice.

Professionally, too, I’ve seen this thread in women's networks. I’ve had women recommend me for work I didn’t even know existed. I’ve watched others share their tips, contacts, wisdom, resources, without competition or performance.

Sometimes it’s a formal mentorship. Sometimes it’s just a quiet “I’ve got you” behind the scenes. But either way, it’s real. It’s not about leaning in loudly. It’s about not letting each other fall behind.

And then there’s the generational support. The mothers, aunties and grandmothers. Be it asking if you ate or offering you food. Or giving you emotional support and wise advice. Or silently listening to you. That’s a kind of wisdom I’ve grown to value more with each passing year. And the inspiring young girls I am an auntie to—I learn so much from them!

Our instinct to support and share is our culture. It is culturally inherited and deliberate, even effortful. This is sisterhood. This collective resilience is a network that doesn't need a hashtag to matter. And I am so grateful to be a part of this immensely rewarding culture.

You build this: one relationship at a time, putting in a recurring deposit of affection, care, and support over the years and decades. And years later, you can see the wealth of the support you have. The significance of the bond you have formed is not always apparent at the outset. Trust the process and be the support and friend you seek. There is always someone who needs your help.