How my women's network helps me

I loved how Trevor Noah drew a parallel between the people in our lives and horcruxes.

I can definitely say that my friends, specifically my women friends, have played a big role in saving my life and my sanity a few times. But more than that, they made my life more beautiful and richer on a daily basis. This is my tribute to the culture among women that I had the good fortune to grow into, and that which I cherish deeply.

I would also like to suggest to mompreneurs to develop their sisterhood network and be a part of a supportive, collaborative community.

Here is how it works for my network.

Connection & Caring

We share our ups and downs. We share our joys and wins. We offer help. And ask for help. When something stressful happens, we reach out.

I have to just express my concern about something, and the others will immediately pitch in to offer help in any way they can. Psychologist Shelley Taylor called this the tend-and-befriend response. Even when we cannot fix everything, staying connected helps.

I cherish the support that slips in through a WhatsApp "Hey, you okay?" during troubled times, the hand that grabs mine to support me before we walk up a ramp, the countless times I am driven around, the loan that lands in my account before I ask for help during a family health crisis, and the warm hug when words fail.

It Takes Effort, But It's Worth It!

There is emotional labor involved in supporting each other. We are scattered across the world, and thus, there are no fun or glamorous meet-ups to be had. It can seem thankless to those who are not used to nurturing or supporting another person. And, a person who has grown up without watching their parents do this kind of labor, it can feel like a hassle.

You need an abundance mindset. Know that it is in the greater good where our personal growth lies. What strength you offer another will empower you as well. It is the ability to hold vulnerability and resilience simultaneously that makes women’s relationships feel so rooted. I’ve been lucky to both receive and offer this kind of presence.

And the beautiful part is that none of it is transactional. It’s a quiet love, the friendship that grows stronger, like the shadow that lengthens with the setting sun of life.

You Can Have Multiple Circles

I have several different circles. The childhood neighborhood friend. The school friends. The college friends. Work friends. The online friend I made over comments on her chronic illness blog more than a decade ago. Some 'friends of the road' that I met in my long nomadic journey across 5 countries and 10 cities transformed into 'friends of the heart'. The extended circles of my friends' friends. The cousins. The neighbors. The spouse's colleague who became a friend. Protégés.

Women's spaces are where stories are shared. Where we sit with each other’s heartbreaks and wins. Where someone says, “I don’t know if I can do this,” and others remind her she already is doing it, and they are with her. It’s mutual. Also, no one is “the strong one” all the time. We take turns being the stronger voice.

Professionally, too, I’ve seen this thread in women's networks. I’ve had women recommend me for work I didn’t even know existed (I did QC on English to Hindi translation of content for a gambling company 😀). I’ve watched others share their tips, contacts, wisdom, and resources without competition or performance in many positive FB groups.

The women's support in the professional context can also sometimes be a formal mentorship. Sometimes it’s just a quiet “I’ve got you” behind the scenes from a person who is ahead of you in that journey.

Oh, and then there’s the generational support. The mothers, aunties and grandmothers. Be it asking if you ate or offering you food. Or giving you emotional support and wise advice. Or listening to you. This wisdom I’ve grown to value more with each passing year. And the inspiring young girls I am an "auntie" to—I learn so much from them!

Start By Being of Service Yourself

If you start helping others rise, you will sow the seeds of these circles. You will find help from an unexpected person perhaps.

Start with goodwill, selflessness, and compassion. You build these circles: one relationship at a time, putting in a recurring deposit of affection and service over the years and decades. And years later, you can see the wealth of the support you have.

The significance of the bond you have formed is not always apparent at the outset. Trust the process and be the support and friend you seek. There is always someone who needs your help. And when you seek help, it will appear to you, too.

This collective resilience of women's sisterhood is a network that doesn't need a hashtag to matter. And I am so grateful to be a part of this immensely rewarding culture.